If you would like a sure way of knowing when you have an issue with something, consider this: whenever you are in a place where you don’t want to do something, you are not okay with doing it. For example, ‘I don’t want to look pushy. I don’t want to keep secrets from you.’ You are not okay being pushy or keep secrets. What is causing you to feel that way?
Taking this concept a little further, in your conversations, if you say things like, ‘it’s not about the money, it’s about the time,’ your issue is about the money. If you say, ‘it’s not that I don’t want to come over,’ your issue will be in going over. These are examples of issues you may not even be aware of in your every day life.
This not only applies to you. When you don’t want someone else to say or do something, you have an issue with them saying or doing it. For example, ‘don’t tell your mother I said that about her.’ It would bother you if they told your mother. ‘Don’t do that. I don’t like it.’ You are bothered about them doing it. ‘You shouldn’t be telling them that.’ Your issue lies in the fact that you are not okay with what they have to say. These would be clear indications of areas where you have issues. The times when you ‘don’t want’ something are opportunities to identify what is causing you to be bothered and to clear through them leaving you in a state of peace.
With every one of those examples, what do you feel would cause you to be bothered? When you are in a place where you don’t want to be, the best way to walk through your feelings around what is bothering you is to accept the fact that you are bothered. When you acknowledge and accept that you are bothered, you are on your way to releasing the bother.
When you don’t want something, you are fighting the feeling. Think of this, if someone wanted to fight you and you didn’t want to fight, what can they do? If someone said you were a rude lady and you said, ‘yes I know that’, what else could they do? There is nothing to fight. When you openly accept ‘you don’t want to’, you will walk through your challenge and be open to resolving the issue that is causing you to feel like you do.
Start to notice the times you ‘don’t want to’ or you ‘don’t want others to’ and see what you learn about yourself. These times will present learning and growing opportunities.