Today…I would like to touch on the concept of ‘setting right relationships!’ When I say setting right relationships…what does that bring up for you? What would it be for you to set right the relationships in your life?
When I think of setting ‘right’ my relationships…I go to the place of thinking of the relationships in my life where something doesn’t feel ‘right.’ Maybe there is an uneasy feeling when I’m in their presence….maybe I feel I don’t want to be ‘controlled’ by them any longer…whatever it is there would be conflict of some kind! That conflict could be as simple as someone saying the wrong thing to me…or as complex as someone not showing up to meet me at the time we agreed upon. It would be those kinds of relationships that I may want to set right!
Do you have any relationships which you feel you would like to set ‘right?’ If you do, how would you go about setting right those relationships? What would you be setting ‘right?’
If I may use my own example to share with you…years ago, my relationship with one of my older sisters wasn’t so great. When I left my first marriage, this sister and I didn’t really talk much and if we did, the conversations weren’t great and they didn’t last very long. We both became very distant even though we lived in the same city. I remembered having healing sessions where I wanted to feel at peace with the state of our relationship.
After over 10 years like this, my oldest daughter was getting married. This older sister was there. She was dressed in such a beautiful dress with shoes and purse to match. I was with a couple of other sisters when I made the comment about her dress. Another older sister nudged me into going over to that sister to tell her that. It took a lot of ‘nerve’ to go over to her…and shared how beautiful she looked. Well, that was the beginning of the healing that took place in our relationship.
I was the one who set right my relationship with this sister. I had no idea of what that was going to look like…or even when it was going to take place. It just happened and let me tell you…it happened very quickly! Our relationship has totally transformed. She has expressed her love for me…words that touched my heart…words I didn’t know she would ever say to me.
What was I setting right? This is what I would like you to hear….after a while, I had no idea what I was setting right. All I knew is I wasn’t feeling very comfortable when I was around this sister. I was not in a loving accepting place. That day at the wedding, when I hugged my sister, our relationship started to ‘right itself.’ Not only did my relationship with that sister change…I watched miracle after miracle show up in many of my relationships as well. The feelings I was holding affecting and impacting that relationship were also affecting and impacting other relationships. I just didn’t see it. That experience taught me so much about relationships in general.
When it comes to relationships of any kind, if you are aware of any conflict…conflict in the sense you feel angry when you think of that person or you feel ashamed or guilty…or or or whatever it may be, I invite you to consider setting an intention to ‘right’ that relationship. Maybe you can set an intention to resolve or even heal those feelings inside of you; set an intention to not take those feelings or emotions into your next relationship; you can even set an intention to not take any unresolved ‘stuff’ into your next interaction with people around you. How do you feel that would impact your relationships today…your relationships tomorrow? You may not know when or where the transformation will take place….but you will know when it happens! Awareness is priceless! All resolution…all clearing…all healing begins with awareness. We cannot change what we don’t know is there!
When I talk about our intentions, I would like to point out how our intentions we make are about us…and what we can do to transform our world to be brighter! It’s in transforming our world that all worlds around us look brighter. We cannot MAKE anyone else’s world brighter for them….we COULD maybe ‘influence’ them to maybe see or feel a brighter world…but we can’t make anyone do what they don’t want to do. Now that I’ve said that….just be with it….find your truth in what that may or may not be for you.
Be gentle with yourself. Be kind…and even be playful. This is everyday life stuff that happens through everyday life living. Living that will be here today…will be here tomorrow…will be there for us to grow through. Live today…live every moment of time.
Just like a live game of sports….we may be watching many live games going on in our lives. The games our children are playing, our family and friends are playing, maybe even the games we are playing. Those games could never be played over again the same way once they have been played. Almost everything will be different! When watching a live sports game…we are witnessing the playing of the game. Playing the game may look like one player making a great move to score points, may look like someone taking a dumb penalty causing the other team to score, may look like someone sitting on the bench the whole game. We witness many things all of which we couldn’t change if we wanted to. We can’t take back any of the moves…..we just play the game.
As it is in life….we will not get the same moment to play over again; we will not know who is going to win or lose; we will not know what will or won’t take place in those next moments.
I would like to extend that a little further….when we resolve…clear…or heal anything inside of us…when we set ‘right’ our relationships, we will not know the grace that comes from that healing until our next moments. It will be in those next moments of being with our selves…being with other people…that we will see how someone is going to be after healing takes place inside of us…we just need to show up and be! The awareness will amaze you!
Sheila Unique, Relationship Coach