It’s not uncommon to think relationships with our spouse can be like ‘oil and water’. We often hear the saying that opposites attract when it comes to choosing the person we eventually end up marrying.
The analogy of oil and water helps us to recognize how in married couples, partners have different personalities, values and approaches to life. Each person comes from a different background with different belief systems, habits and priorities. These don’t usually blend or align easily highlighting potential problem areas when it comes to creating harmony.
I can say in the relationship with my husband, we have many things in common and yet we also experience times when we both struggle with some of the decisions made by the other. Yes, we have days when we struggle and argue just like everyone else. Over time, we’ve worked hard at moving through problem areas leaving us to have a greater appreciation, respect and love for each other.
For me…I approach every interaction I have with my spouse as an opportunity for me to learn, grow and evolve as a person. What does that mean?
If we struggle and argue…to the place where I literally lose myself in the process that indicates there’s some kind of unrest inside of me. Something outside of me caused me to react inside resulting in my outburst whatever it is in that moment. My outburst (reaction) leads me to that unrest and it’s that unrest that I then choose to work towards healing. What does that do?
Healing and resolving any unrest inside of us creates a change in how we interact with others. That change is then reflected outwardly which means I no longer react like I did before. The actions or inactions of others no longer cause me to react which means my interactions with all others, and I mean all others, change for the better. I’ve experienced this day after day in my life.
Let me explain it this way. Two things can happen…
1. When I argue with my husband and we both walk away feeling heard and respected…we’re literally done with our argument and move on.
2. When I argue with him and walk away feeling upset and troubled in some way…I know that I myself have unrest related to whatever it was we were arguing about. I need to take a step back…do some reflection and healing work…and then I can step forward again fully knowing that the changes in me impact our relationship as a married couple.
It doesn’t just stop there. Each time I heal and resolve something within myself, I’ve experienced rewarding changes in all my relationships. It’s that powerful.
Each partner comes from a different background and our daily interactions present opportunities for us to move through problem areas resulting in healing and resolving our differences…regardless of what they are.
The result…developing greater love, acceptance and respect for another human being. Is it easy? Are you kidding me! I’ll be the first to say the answer is no. But it sure is rewarding with each new day that I heal inside.
Let me leave you with these words…I’ve been able to heal things that were so deep within all because of the interactions with my spouse. And for that I’m grateful.
Wherever you are on your journey, may you find what works for you…find your own truth…and you will always be guided to feel at peace inside.
Sheila Unique, Emotional Intelligence Specialist
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