I was talking with a lady who I will call Marilyn. Marilyn was bothered about a gentleman she was working with. She said he doesn’t know anything. When I asked her what that was about she shared this story.
Marilyn works in accounting. One of her accounts was overdue and she contacted the customer. The customer said they had already paid the amount. After checking a bit Marilyn found out their company had received the money. The gentleman she worked with had received and processed the money. Marilyn wondered if he processed the money why was there a balance still owing from the customer.
She checked into the customer’s recent transactions and found the gentleman was processing the entries incorrectly. Something about that bothered her, she questioned him and walked away feeling upset. When I asked Marilyn what bothered her about that she told me it bothers her that he wasn’t doing his job correctly. I asked how she knew that and she said she used to work in that department.
Marilyn was reacting and I could energetically feel her upset was not about him. I explained the gentleman helped her to get to that feeling inside of her. I invited her to look a little deeper into what she was feeling. This time she said she doesn’t like looking like a fool! There it was. She perceived she was the one who looked like she didn’t know her job and she didn’t like that feeling.
I worked with Marilyn for a bit and she saw the dynamic taking place. Then I said to her, ‘one way of knowing if someone isn’t doing their job correctly is to find different mistakes like that. Once you find a mistake you can then help the person making the mistake to know the correct procedures. Until then you may not know what a person knows and doesn’t know.’
This is only one of how many stories that take place in the working world. I share that story to highlight a couple of things that can play out in relationships.
The first thing has to do with ‘focus.’ When people perceive there is a problem they tend to stay focused on what they think is the problem. Majority of times the problem has to do with what somebody outside of them did or didn’t do. Staying focused on what someone else did, especially if it bothers the person, stirs up emotions inside. At this point where a person is bothered they are in a reactive state and it can be hard for the person who is reacting to step back and look at what is really taking place.
The second thing has to do with ‘clarity.’ There is a difference between a problem being a problem and a problem now involving emotional upset. What is really going on? The person getting upset has an underlying issue. That issue needs to be resolved inside of the person reacting.
In life people tend to let others know they are wrong or incorrect by bringing things to their attention. For example, at work someone picks up on a mistake in a procedure and brings it to the other person’s attention. At home when someone does something wrong others usually bring it to their attention so they learn how to do it correctly.
It has been my experience when situations involve emotional upset, there is more at play than just bringing the wrong doing to their attention.
May you find what works for you…find your own truth…and you will always be guided to feel at peace inside.
Sheila Unique, Trainer & Speaker