While I was coaching grade 5 students this week, two students approached me asking, ‘Mrs Unique, the boys on the playground are being mean to us. Can you help us with that?’ When I had asked one of the students what she had already tried to get them to change, her reply was, ‘I tried being even meaner to the boys because I wanted them to hurt more than they were hurting us!’ I could feel this student wanted something more ‘powerful’ so she could get the boys to stop being mean to them. I know those two students weren’t ready for what I was about to share with them.
I was talking to the girls about how they were feeling in those moments of not being able to get the boys to stop what they were doing. They were really upset and did eventually cry. The two girls were sharing how they didn’t want to go to that school anymore because of how the boys treated them. They couldn’t get them to change. Both girls shared how their moms told them they would always have these problems and they would have to learn to deal with them. I took a moment and added a bit more to what they said their moms had said. ‘Girls, you will have people in your life you don’t like….they may be mean to you. You can’t change their behavior but you sure can change how you feel inside yourselves.’ My coaching guided them to notice what they were feeling inside as they talked about the boys. We talked about how someone must feel inside for them to treat people badly….or how someone may act mean covering up a deep sense of feeling ‘not good about themselves’.
The conversation went on for quite a bit. At one point in the conversation, I asked the girls what they were good at. One girl said she was good at soccer. The other girl didn’t really know! When the other girl didn’t know, I shared something amazing I had observed in her since being with them. She stared at me with these eyes wide open like she hadn’t heard those words before. I then said to both girls…. ‘Girls, you are losing sight of who you are and what you love to do by getting caught up in all the drama out on the playground. You are getting caught up in all the name calling and teasing. What are you good at? What do you love to do?’ I asked them to think about those questions and let me know what they get for next week. What a gift to be in a position to guide children.
Look at your own life now. Are you getting caught up in the ‘drama’ of life….losing sight of your greatness? Are you losing yourself in resentment…in the battles or gossip at work? Are you losing yourself in the family arguments…family dynamics? Do you know what you are good at….what you love to do? If you have children…do you know what they are good at….what they love to do? It’s never too late to find out…..it’s never too late to learn and grow.
Blessings to you always.
Sheila Unqiue, Relationship Coach