So often, you can get caught up in what you know is the reality around you.  Work is this way.  The children, family and friends are that way.  As much as you try to make changes, it feels like you’re stuck in a pattern where nothing seems to change.  Have you ever experienced that?

A pattern, by its very nature, is something that happens over and over again. One obvious pattern would be the order of the seasons every year.  Winter follows fall which follows summer which follows spring.  Another pattern occurs when you first turn on your computer.  The computer goes through the start up process before you can work with it.  So many things are set to function in a repeating pattern of some kind.

Some repeating patterns work with nature.

For example, this year I learned one repeating pattern that is good for me has to do with my meditation practice.  Doing a meditation practice at the exact same time every morning is excellent for our ‘bio-rhythms.’

Our bio-rhythm is a cyclic pattern of physical, emotional or mental activity said to occur in the life of a person.

So for me, this repeating pattern of doing my practice at the same time is like ‘hard-wiring’ my system. I’ve got to the point where I don’t want to miss my practice.  I am consciously aware this repeating pattern works with nature and makes a difference in my life.

Then there are some patterns which work against nature!

These would be negative type patterns which consciously or unconsciously create unrest inside of you.

For example, let’s say for a few months now you’re really making an effort not to eat snacks at bedtime. You know when you eat at bedtime you have a restless sleep and feel sluggish in the morning. As much as you continue to try stopping the snacks, it hasn’t been successful.  You experience as the evening passes you start thinking about what kind of snack you want to eat.  In no time, into the kitchen you head for an evening snack.

After you’re done eating your evening snack, you start to beat yourself up for eating the snack.  Then the next morning when you feel sluggish, you think back to what you ate at bedtime. You blame your sluggish feeling on what you ate the night before. You begin feeling guilty and upset because you haven’t been able to control your eating.

Using this example of snacking before bed, consider these questions:

• Where do you think you are creating negative repeating patterns?
• What pattern would be creating the unrest inside of you?
• Would the unrest start before, during or after you’re done the snack?

There are no right or wrong answers. This example is intended to give you a glimpse of how easily patterns can be created.

Negative type patterns tear down as opposed to build up. Patterns which tear down can be expressed in the following ways:

• Beating yourself up or cutting yourself down;
• Calling yourself names, such as stupid or dumb;
• Reinforcing things about yourself, ‘whenever I try to make a change it never turns out, when I give my problem over to the Divine it gets worse, I always screw up.’
• Holding yourself back, ‘why bother trying it won’t work out anyway, oh things will never change, no one wants me, so I may as well stay home.’
• Holding other people stuck by telling them, ‘you never change, you always do that, you never listen to me, what’s wrong with you?’
• Criticizing yourself and others.

Negative type repeating patterns don’t feel good and surface because of some unrest inside yourself.

The most important thing about any patterns is recognizing you have them!  When you recognize patterns which create unrest, you can consciously do something about changing them.

Changing patterns begins with paying attention to the times you catch yourself reacting in some way. Getting upset where you feel frustrated and angry are examples of reactions.  The times when you react are the times when you tend to respond in negative ways.  If you’re frustrated and mad at yourself or someone else, you tend to say things which are not uplifting.

Reactions help you to identify repeating patterns.  Listen to the words you say to yourself and others.  Pay attention to the actions you take. Do you storm out of a room or rudely cut someone off in conversation?  When you are done expressing yourself, notice how you feel.  If you are not feeling good about something, look if there are any repeating patterns.

As I typed this article I thought of a personal example.  This example may help you to have more clarity around patterns and reactions.

Anytime my husband and I go visit my mom we will usually take her groceries or a treat of some kind.  One day it could be decaffeinated coffee from Robin’s Donut Shop.  The next time we might take her a Milky Way ice cream cone. Mom asks us often to pick her up a small cone with the ‘flavor of the day’ ice cream.

I have observed whenever mom has ice cream she talks about how she needs to quit having ice cream because she’s fat already.  Ice cream is the most common food item she continually regrets eating.  When she begins and when she ends eating her ice cream she comments on how she needs to quit eating it.

Now until about a year ago this dialogue of my mom’s would drive me crazy!  It really did upset me to have to listen to her talk about her and her ice cream problem…while she was eating the ice cream.

So I tried to control the dialogue around ice cream.  I tried to help mom see her ice cream as a treat instead of a problem.  I wouldn’t pick up the ice cream when she wanted it.  Of course if she didn’t have any ice cream to eat in my presence I wouldn’t have to listen to her complaining. All of that effort took a lot of time and energy only to experience mom wouldn’t change.

Then one day I started to be aware of the unrest I was feeling inside of me. I could hear myself ‘complaining’ about my mom complaining.  The days mom talked negatively about what she was eating, I could feel the upset and agitation whenever we left her home. I could hear the upset in my voice.  What was really causing me to get upset?  What was really causing me to continually repeat this pattern of trying to get my mom to change?

If I wanted to resolve the unrest inside me, I had to stop looking to my mom for the change. Looking to other people for the change was a habit I created.  Now I needed to interrupt and change that habit. If I wanted to feel better, I was the one who needed to make the changes.

Can you see how negative type repeating patterns are created in relationships? These would be patterns where you reinforce negativity.

When these patterns occur over and over again, two things happen:

1. You hold yourself and others in a place of not changing;
2. You hold yourself and others stuck.

It takes effort and awareness to change negative type repeating patterns.  Negative patterns are created because of a habit of some kind.  That habit starts with negative thinking.  If you want to change the habit you need to consciously change your thinking as well.

Where are you creating repeating patterns of unrest?  How can you start to interrupt and change those patterns?

As you grow in becoming aware of your patterns, you can consciously do something to make changes.  Changes inside of you reflect changes outside of you.  You no longer feel stuck!  You start to observe how everything in your life is moving forward working with nature.

Wherever you are on your journey, may you find what works for you…find your own truth…and you will always be guided to feel at peace inside.

Sheila Unique, Self Empowerment Expert!