A very special friend of mine was sharing how she lives with a gentleman who won’t clean the cupboard up after he’s done making his meals. It bothers her because she likes to go to a clean cupboard to make her meals. She shared how she has reminded him on numerous occasions and is even getting creative in how she’s asking him to clean the cupboard…and yet the cupboard doesn’t get cleaned. Does that mean my friend should just accept she won’t have a clean cupboard and to let go of what she wants? Not at all! How can she be at peace with what’s going on?
Relationships are very interesting! When we live with other people, we are going to experience challenges! That is the nature of relationships. Someone wants the music turned down; someone doesn’t like people flushing toilets in the night because it wakes them up; someone has to take the garbage bin to the street on garbage day. There will be times where we work with others to make the changes we want and then there are times where no matter what we do, some people won’t do what we ask. The times where people won’t do what we ask, consider this…..
We like a clean counter in the bathroom…there is space to bring out our make-up when we need to put it on. We like people to put their shoes on the shoe rack…that way no one trips over all the shoes that sit at the door, especially during the seasons where we need our boots. We like people to take their dirty dishes to the sink when they are done with them….that can be respectful of the other people in the home! Is it always easy to get the things we like? Maybe not!
Look at the relationships in your home. What do you do for people…and what do they do for you? When people ask you for something they would like, do you do it? When you ask them for something you would like, do they do it for you?
If people you live with won’t do something you ask of them….how can you work with them to come up with a way of making it happen? Consider something you could do ‘less’ for them in return for their ‘not doing what you ask.’
Let’s say your kids won’t put their bath towels away! You don’t like it and no matter how many times you’ve talked to them about it…the towels lie on the floor when they are done. Time for a change! What can you do ‘less’ for them in exchange for them not picking up their towels? You pick up their towels…in return for you ‘not taking’ them to their favorite sports event! Things that you do for them…may be used as a negotiating tool in exchange for what you would like them to do for you.
Going a little further…when you don’t do things your kids have come to depend on your for, they won’t like it. Those are moments of sharing with them things you want in exchange for things they want! You want them to pick up their towels…and then you will then continue to take them to their favorite sports events.
Situations like these present opportunities for learning and growing for all your relationships! It’s called life and is about finding your way to feeling more at peace within. The rewards are grand!
Sheila Unique, Relationship Expert/Medical Intuitive
